Ouch, It Hurts!

Jennifer Stephan

According to the American Collage of Gynecology 75% of women have pain during sexual intercourse.

Now I don’t know about you but that number took me by surprise! Why is this a surprise? Well, it isn’t talked about. Once again shame peeks it’s odd shaped head around the corner and wags Its crooked little finger at us. As women we are supposed to be ready to go at moment’s notice, but how can that be if three quarters of us are experiencing pain or discomfort? 

Painful sex actually has a name, Dyspareunia. There are many reasons for the pain we experience, and the good news is there are ways we can  manage and even prevent it. 

There are many reasons why we have pain, all of which should be addressed by your doctor. Here is a list of things you can ask about:

  • Skin problems
  • Nerve damage
  • Vaginismus 
  • Dryness
  • STIs
  • Menopause and more…

Now it can also be caused by emotional and mental issues. So it is important to discuss with your doctor or OBGYN exactly what is going on. Note that if you don’t feel your concerns are being addressed please continue to look for someone to talk to until you feel happy with the results. Dyspareunia

Painful sex (Dyspareunia) is not normal unless you are exploring pain thresholds. So maybe you experience vaginal dryness on occasion. This can be very uncomfortable. It’s possible you might need lubrication, more foreplay and to talk to your partner. In doing these things you might resolve the pain you are experiencing.  

When to Seek Medical Attention

You decide this, but some rules of thumb:

  • Sex has always been painful
  • It’s becoming more and more painful
  • You are just unsure and want to understand what is going on with your body

If you experience occasional discomfort, there are of course other options such as oral intimacy, more lube, smaller toys, being gentler or being just physically close to one another. 

Whatever it is you feel your body is trying to tell you something and there is never any shame in that. Listen and act accordingly. 

Just remember that you deserve to enjoy sex without pain. There is nothing to be ashamed of and if you do experience pain you are in the 75% majority of women that do. You are not alone. 



About Jennifer Stephan

Relationship and Sex Coach, iPEC Coaching – Certified Professional Coach, International Coach Federation, Energy Leadership Index, Master Practitioner, COR.E Wellbeing Dynamics Specialist

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